I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
