Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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