then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
