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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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