I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
