her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
