when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
