I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
