I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
