Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
