Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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