i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
