i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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