dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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