oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
