I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
