I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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