When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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