I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
