C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
