Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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