Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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