I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Houston, we have a squirter
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
