He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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