Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
