My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
