It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
