I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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