you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize