i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
