you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
