i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
