Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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