I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
