I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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