In the future we'll all be gay
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
