he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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