just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
