dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
