I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
