this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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