did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
