I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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