Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
