he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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