that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize