He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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