i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
