look no pants
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
