Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
