So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
