I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
