I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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