dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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