i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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