Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will be naked everywhere
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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