So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
