My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
