Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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