Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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