I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
