I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
