I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
