the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
