There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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