Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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