A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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