sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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